Other Telemarketer links (Now Broken, sorry)
Having fun with Telemarketers
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Fun with Telemarketers DVSMaStA 10:00 P.M. May 10th
Well, to start out. I'm sure all of your are sick of the telemarketers that you are(will) getting hounded by all the time. God knows I am. I'm sitting on the couch watching the 'Boob Tube' when all of a sudden the phone rings. I had been expecting a call from a friend so i get my lazy arse out of the chair and drag myself a good 30 feet to the phone. I pick it up and answer but the reply comes out a little different than expected. "Hello Mr. Fahuor (of course they brutaly murder the pronunciation of my name). I'm from (input business here). I'd like you..." I am so pissed off i don't know what to do and say, "Go fuck yourself." and hang up. I understand that they will probboly call back tomorrow, and i didn't really get back at them. That is why i'm writing this nice little (big) article about Fun with Telemarketers.
On to the good stuff DVSMaStA
If a telemarketer ever calls you and mispronounces your name, say "That person doesn't currently live here. Try the house down the street."
- This isn't as good as some, but you have to try new things or it gets boring. =)
Wehn a telemarketer calls without giving their name, ask. Once you obtain their name, ask them if you could hook up sometime for dinner. If the telemarketer is the same sex as you, reply "Thats fine by me!" - This one could get some interesting results.
If a telemarketer ever asks "How are you today?" � Reply "You don't really care. Noone does! Its just not fair! (begin fake crying until they hang up)" or "You really wanna know? I have this itch, right on my arse. When i go to sit down it hurts, so i've been standing for the last 16 hours. I guess you could say i feel like shit!" - I must say i like the second one quite a bit. I'd pay to see their facial response to that! =)
When a telemarketer calls, continually cough while he/she is talking and when they get done, ask them if they could repeat it. When they repeat it, make sure to do something to interupt them and ask them to repeat.
- This one isn't that great because it's lacking initiative. Not bad though =)
When the telemarketer calls, ask them to hold on for a second. Take a few seconds making a few ruffling noises with your cloths. (if you have a belt, make some latch noises) Get back on the phone and ask in a husky voice "Okay now, what are you wearing." Proceed to make all the noises your sick little minds can come up with.
- This one has initiative and creativity.
If a phone company calls you and asks you if you'd like to switch plans, ask them in a innocent mannor "Long distance service? What is that? Speaking of which, whats is (fill in providers name here)" If they tell you are on a phone, reply "No way. I own a phone? (proceed to do the "happy" dance yelling out I have a phone..)"
- This one isn't bad.
If a newspaper company calls you up and asks you to order their newspaper for a certain charge, tell them "Boy thats alot of money. How many pages did you say were in it?" When they tell you the number, tell them "Oh my god! WHat a rip off! and you think i should subscribe for that price. Not even close" After that, you can go ahead and hang up.
- This one isn't bad
If someone calls from a "major" business that has more than one location, tell them "You work at such and such? Wow. How unusual, so do I! What division are you located at? When the telemarketer replies, say "You know, it really is too bad, but i cannot order from you. You know, company policies. Oh well, your loss. "
- this one would be interesting too. Who knows, it might just work!
When a telemarketer calls you, tell him/her that you are busy and that you could call them back if they would give you their number. When they tell you you cannot give out the company number, tell them you wouldn't mind calling them at their house. They will most likely tell you that they don't really want calls at their house. Make sure to act very cocky and say, Well, Now ya know how i feel when you call me!"
- this one would be very good.
There is one reason why I made this page, to make sure that people get back at telemarketers instead of just saying "I'm sorry. (mannors to a telemarketer? not in my life!) I'm not interested. (more like, quit fucking calling me jackass. Can't take a hint?)" Please, don't do this only for yourself, but for me too. You can email me telling me your favorite one and i might just order them best to worst. You can also tape record your conversation and send it to me for the whole internet to enjoy. Welp. I think i've help you long enough. Live long, Perspire, and may the Telemarketers get what they deserve!
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